Doggers Love Trees

YOU can’t see the sex for the trees sometimes…
And if you live in Lancashire UK…
And go down to the woods today – to er get wood…
You’re in for a very nasty surprise…
Council killjoys have felled 100’s of century old trees…
Why you cry…why to stop the dogging going on…
Yeah you heard me right…
The daft bastards have brought in hunky lumberjacks…
To fell the mighty oaks…
To discourage the “dogging community…”



For those not in the know…
Dogging is a bit of a Brit thing…
Basically horny couples drive out to beauty spots…
Park up – pull out their pricks and fuck themselves stupid…
Meanwhile a crowd of onlookers arrive…
And either join in the fuck fest…
Or mostly just go wank in the bushes…




Brit Doggers – A Bit Slutty


The reasons given is of course “Health and Safety…”
Why they couldn’t have supplied condoms God only knows…
Or knowing some Brit slags…
A crash helmet lol…
However the local copper says…
“We shall be keeping a close eye on the area…”
I’m sure you will constable…
Truncheon in hand of course…

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PERSONAL NEWS – given it’s Christmas…
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HOLLY SAMPSON – TIGER WOODS ALLEGED MISTRESS – NUDE

OK here comes the birdie jokes…
OK forget about the birdie jokes…
Lets just say Tiger Woods alleged mistress is HOT!!!
Seems our Tiger Woods likes to fuck porn stars…
I have to say he’s made on hell of a choice with Holly…
This is one of those early “breakthough” nude photos set…
Man she sure does have the body…
But lets just say she enjoyed doing more than nude…

Holly Sampson fucking on a golf course..?
It looks a lot like one to me lol…



HAVE A SEXY CHRISTMAS AFFAIR LIKE TIGER WOODS

CHOCOLATE AND CUM…FATTENING

CHOCOLATE is fattening…
If that’s stating the obvious…
Then prepare ya selves…
A dippy doctor from Scotland…
(famed for battered deep fried Mas bars lol)…
Wants a chocolate tax…
Dr Walker claims many people eat half their daily calories…
In one single choccy food fest…
The fat tax – if successful – is a worry…
I mean what next..?
Cum tax..?
After all one spoonful…
Equals around 25 calories…
Good news if you squirt on a little…
Bad news if (like me lol) you cum in buckets…



SEMENEX SHE’LL SWALLOW UNLESS SHE’S ON A DIET

Little wonder you GF wife or whatever…
Won’t swallow your man paste…
She’s always on a fucking diet…
So hide this blog post from her…
Buy her choccie often…
Buy semenax and cover ya cock in choccy…



This post has been sponosred by FOOD BANGERS


AND FLIP’S SEX STUFF



FAT AND THIN WOMEN LOOKING FOR A FUCK

SHE SHOULD PUT A VEST ON IT’S FREEZING HER TITS

SNOW hits the UK and it grinds to a halt…
Good to see the blitz spirit is alive and well…
I look out of my window today and seeing a muddy slush…
The radio blurbs that 60 schools are closed in my area…
My GF’s son is miserable as sin as his is still open lol…
Airports have been shut – buses cancelled – roads shut…
As for the trains – wrong kind of snow on the tracks…
Here’s a pretty snow presentation from the BBC…
Meanwhile in other parts of the world covered in snow…
Life quite simply goes on despite 20 foot drifts…
Ah well guess I better take a snow day too…
Ooops I work from home so every day is a snow day lol…



BEWARE THE YELLOW SNOW


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WESTBORO BAPTITS OOOPS BAPTIST CHURCH SUPPORTS BRISTOL


PORN protesters storm pornographers house…
In scenes reminiscent of a Frankenstein movie…
The only thing missing being pitchforks and peasants…
OK maybe there were peasants we’re talking Somerset after all…
Suburban anti sex protesters lay siege to an honest legal business…
Furious residents of a quiet Bristol (ha I said bristols lol) cul-de-sac…
Want to cull de ahem scrotum sac activities of one Jimmy Edwards…



NOT JIMMY EDWARDS IN GAY ROMAN FILM HAIL HOMO


Professional pornographer James Edwards…
Is said to be completely stressed out by the whole thing…

All right, there are girls visiting and there are camera people coming in and out…
But they are all clothed when they come out…
I get on very well with my immediate neighbours…

He said…
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy…
It’s the cumming in and out the neighbours are upset about lol…
We can’t have pornography made in private…
I mean my God what is the world coming to…
Everyone knows porno should be made in public!!!




PORN STARS PUNISHED BY PROTESTERS – PROBABLY


So incensed are the neighbours…
They predict coach loads of prostitutes and drug dealers arriving…
To ply their equally terrible disgusting dangerous trades…
A thing unheard of in the sleepy hamlet of Bristol…
And shock horror let’s grab the media’s attention…
A kindly 75-year-old granny in the street raises the point…

Why is this going on? Why is this allowed?
There are little children round here.
It is not on. He is laughing at us.

God forbid pornographers should ever laugh…
And come to that how come porn is always…
I mean always linked in with kids..?
I mean hang on a minute…
Do kids have credit cards..?
And therefore why on earth would legit porno types like me…
Want them on my sites in the first place..?
And more importantly…
Why aren’t parents monitoring their online activities..?
Naw don’t be silly blame the pornographers…




PORNOGRAPHERS TRYING NOT TO LAUGH


I of course understand about NIMBY…
Not in My Back Yard…
Now that sounds like an anal porn reference to me lol…
You ain’t gonna stick that in my back yard honey hehe…
But I digress – us porno professionals do you know lol…
But if it’s legal – above board then WTF is the matter with you people..?
And as to the shock horror “it’s affecting our house prices…”
There’s a fucking world wide recession on people…
House prices are dropping quicker than a Bristol prozzies knickers…
(ooops no pun intended)
If anything the presence of a legit porn empire in your street…
Could be construed as a high selling point…
You can just see the estate agents eagerly writing their speil…
“Four up four down…”
You just know where I’m going with this lol…




FOUR UP FOUR DOWN – GLORIOUS VIEWS



So what have we learned from this…
Porn gets headlines – always for the wrong reasons…
Anti porn protesters are hypocritical uneducated and sad…
Their anger and call to arms over a legitimate business…
Shows certainly a community spirit to be applauded…
But why not use that venom against the real criminals in society…
Just try and walk through parts of Bristol late at night…
Take a quick snapshot of crime figures in Bristol…
Way above the national average – particularly sex crimes…
Now how about getting your placards…
Taking to the streets and tackling real crime..?
Rather than bullying harassing a legitimate disabled businessman…
I mean if he wasn’t earning from a legitimate business…
God forbid he’d become a benefit scrounger…
And I’m sure none of you lot or your families do that sort of thing…
Do you..?

THIS POST WAS SPONSORED BY




REAL AMATEUR PORN MOVIES BRISTOL APPROVED

HOT TEEN SWEET DREAMS


SEX DREAMS or nightmares…?
Well chances are if you’re a chick…
When your head hits the pillow…
It ain’t fluffy bunnies and rainbows…
Nope you my dear are cursed with nightmares…
Meanwhile us men get all the luck…
For we dream of S E X…
So not only do we think of intercourse every 30 secs…
We can’t turn off our todgers when we sleep…




I WAS SLEEP FUCKING HONEST MISSUS



Now this has given me a scientific excuse…
For those middle of the night rapes…
As my exes like to call it lol…
You know what I mean…
Half awake in that cock twitching twighlight zone…
You think the snoring lump next to you…
Is that hot hot pornstar you just have to fuck…
You give it your best moves…
Only to be slapped right on your vinegar stroke…
And called a fucking rapist pervert scum…
Well it happens to me all the time lol…
Full scientific proof HERE…
Say thankyou Flip…

BUT I ALWAYS SHOWER LIKE THIS JUDGE…HONEST


Sad day for kinky spankers wankers and whippers…
For today is the day the UK has deemed Extreme Porn day…
Not I hasten to add anything to celebrate…
Unless I guess you’re an MP – rich or run Formula One…
Then you can continue to do it watch it in private…
Rather it’s the day pics like the harmless one above…
Are deemed ILLEGAL – you’re nicked Percy Pervert…
Virtual sadism anything described as life threatening (lol)…
Or the mutilation of breasts and genitals etc etc yada yada…
That’s despite the fact the average sado porn star…
Fucking loves it and signs shit loads of legal documents…




HARDCORE BONDAGE PORNSTARS HAPPY IN THEIR WORK

Hey don’t get me wrong – I’m as much against forced porn as anyone…
However it’s this thought police big brother nanny state…
That fucks me right off and makes me yearn for pastures new…
What’s that the friendly UK Gov sez..?
It ain’t illegal if you delete it off your hard drive…
How cool how pointless is that..?
It’s OK to look – but don’t keep it…
I fucking despair…
And the it kind of occurred to me…
Is there going to be a special squad of masochists…
Armed with cattle prods and restraints…
Hunting down submissive perverts…
Who long to be handled and spoken to roughly…
Restrained and then locked in a dark cell..?
Ummm something tells me that’s exactly what they want lol…




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