IT’S FUCKING FREEZING – STAY IN DOORS BUY PORN AND WANK!!!

CHOCOLATE AND CUM…FATTENING

CHOCOLATE is fattening…
If that’s stating the obvious…
Then prepare ya selves…
A dippy doctor from Scotland…
(famed for battered deep fried Mas bars lol)…
Wants a chocolate tax…
Dr Walker claims many people eat half their daily calories…
In one single choccy food fest…
The fat tax – if successful – is a worry…
I mean what next..?
Cum tax..?
After all one spoonful…
Equals around 25 calories…
Good news if you squirt on a little…
Bad news if (like me lol) you cum in buckets…



SEMENEX SHE’LL SWALLOW UNLESS SHE’S ON A DIET

Little wonder you GF wife or whatever…
Won’t swallow your man paste…
She’s always on a fucking diet…
So hide this blog post from her…
Buy her choccie often…
Buy semenax and cover ya cock in choccy…



This post has been sponosred by FOOD BANGERS


AND FLIP’S SEX STUFF



FAT AND THIN WOMEN LOOKING FOR A FUCK

WESTBORO BAPTITS OOOPS BAPTIST CHURCH SUPPORTS BRISTOL


PORN protesters storm pornographers house…
In scenes reminiscent of a Frankenstein movie…
The only thing missing being pitchforks and peasants…
OK maybe there were peasants we’re talking Somerset after all…
Suburban anti sex protesters lay siege to an honest legal business…
Furious residents of a quiet Bristol (ha I said bristols lol) cul-de-sac…
Want to cull de ahem scrotum sac activities of one Jimmy Edwards…



NOT JIMMY EDWARDS IN GAY ROMAN FILM HAIL HOMO


Professional pornographer James Edwards…
Is said to be completely stressed out by the whole thing…

All right, there are girls visiting and there are camera people coming in and out…
But they are all clothed when they come out…
I get on very well with my immediate neighbours…

He said…
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy…
It’s the cumming in and out the neighbours are upset about lol…
We can’t have pornography made in private…
I mean my God what is the world coming to…
Everyone knows porno should be made in public!!!




PORN STARS PUNISHED BY PROTESTERS – PROBABLY


So incensed are the neighbours…
They predict coach loads of prostitutes and drug dealers arriving…
To ply their equally terrible disgusting dangerous trades…
A thing unheard of in the sleepy hamlet of Bristol…
And shock horror let’s grab the media’s attention…
A kindly 75-year-old granny in the street raises the point…

Why is this going on? Why is this allowed?
There are little children round here.
It is not on. He is laughing at us.

God forbid pornographers should ever laugh…
And come to that how come porn is always…
I mean always linked in with kids..?
I mean hang on a minute…
Do kids have credit cards..?
And therefore why on earth would legit porno types like me…
Want them on my sites in the first place..?
And more importantly…
Why aren’t parents monitoring their online activities..?
Naw don’t be silly blame the pornographers…




PORNOGRAPHERS TRYING NOT TO LAUGH


I of course understand about NIMBY…
Not in My Back Yard…
Now that sounds like an anal porn reference to me lol…
You ain’t gonna stick that in my back yard honey hehe…
But I digress – us porno professionals do you know lol…
But if it’s legal – above board then WTF is the matter with you people..?
And as to the shock horror “it’s affecting our house prices…”
There’s a fucking world wide recession on people…
House prices are dropping quicker than a Bristol prozzies knickers…
(ooops no pun intended)
If anything the presence of a legit porn empire in your street…
Could be construed as a high selling point…
You can just see the estate agents eagerly writing their speil…
“Four up four down…”
You just know where I’m going with this lol…




FOUR UP FOUR DOWN – GLORIOUS VIEWS



So what have we learned from this…
Porn gets headlines – always for the wrong reasons…
Anti porn protesters are hypocritical uneducated and sad…
Their anger and call to arms over a legitimate business…
Shows certainly a community spirit to be applauded…
But why not use that venom against the real criminals in society…
Just try and walk through parts of Bristol late at night…
Take a quick snapshot of crime figures in Bristol…
Way above the national average – particularly sex crimes…
Now how about getting your placards…
Taking to the streets and tackling real crime..?
Rather than bullying harassing a legitimate disabled businessman…
I mean if he wasn’t earning from a legitimate business…
God forbid he’d become a benefit scrounger…
And I’m sure none of you lot or your families do that sort of thing…
Do you..?

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REAL AMATEUR PORN MOVIES BRISTOL APPROVED

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FLESHLIGHT GIRLS SAVING YOUR LIFE THROUGH WANKING


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BRIDGET MARQUARDT Looking For Luurve



Lock up ya daughters Heff’s on the prowl…
The aged king of the swingers has told lover Bridget Marquardt…
To get out and find another man…

He’s so excited and happy for me.
Heff says if I want to come back to the mansion and bring a date, that’s no problem.
He’s just being really sweet about it.
We have gotten closer than ever.
I will love him forever, there’s no question…

She gushed…
The old fellah might need to look for some more company…
Or at least a lady to slip him his Viagra and hot milk…
With a mansion full of PLAYBOY Bunnies…
The king of glam surely has plenty to chose from…
And a certain little lady who’s caught my eye…
Is busty blonde wanna be porn star Crystal Lynx…
(How do they pick their bunny girl names..?)…




Despite the fake tits this 34 year old ex horse trainer…
Is one hell of a hottie with one sweet ass…
And old Heff could do no worse than hook up with her…
A stallion such as him will need reining in lol…

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The Tools of the Stud Trade

So back in the late seventies we all know Madonna posed nude…
Truth is the hottest soccermom on the planet’s been doing it for years…
Now it seems one of those “hot” Playboy-esque pics if up for auction…
The experts reckon it’ll sell for at least $10,000…
Ok here’s the Flip deal – see all of Madge (that’s what we Brits call her lol)…
And I mean ALL over at my fanboy site MADONNA FUCKS…
Well I say fanboy – more gratuitous nude porny pics of the great lady…
Like a virgin she ain’t – now don’t preach – I’m crazy for you…
I’m loving her America Pie it’s so Erotic…(enuff song quips Flip lol)…

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SO DID THE VIRGIN MARY HAVE SMALL TITS..?


The shit has truly hit the fan down Chile way…
Big tit Virgin Mary’s seem to be a big no no…
Chillean artist Ricardo Oyarzun’s show is too HOT…
So much so he’s had threats and excrement sent to him…
He claims the horny looking Mary’s ain’t porn…
Just an “artistic depiction” lol…
One has to say they do put the tease into the trinity…




NOT THE VIRGIN MARY FUCKED WITH A CRUCIFIX AT NENA BLUE



You might like to take a look at MADONNA FUCKS…